13 Reasons Why.

With the release of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix, I have seen article after article about it, some praising it and some critiquing it. I read the book years ago, probably before it was even being considered for a show. It has long been one of my favorite books. So as I sit here about halfway through the show, I decided to add my own opinion via my long neglected mental health blog.
So here is what has stood out most to me about my personal journey into the dark rabbit hole that is depression and suicide:

1) Triggers- yes, I knew exactly what this show was about before starting it, and exactly how it would end. I just didn't realize how close to home some things would hit. Some of the same feelings and emotions, even scenarios are all too familiar for those with depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure if it makes me feel less alone in my depression, or just upset.
2) Relatability- I don't think that is actually a word but I'm going to use it anyway (this is my blog, I do what I want, OKAY?). What I mean is it is relatable. High school can be brutal. Heck, nowadays middle school and elementary school can even be brutal. People are mean and cruel. Whether you were the popular crowd or the awkward kid that sat in the back corner alone, there is some character in this show that you can relate to.
3) Bullying-bullying continues to be a huge issue that isn't given enough attention. Not only does this show how cruel and heartless people can be, it also shed a light on group culture. Bullies sometimes bully to look cool to their friends, even if they aren't actually okay with the bullying. Bullying is never okay, ever. And it is something that really needs to be taken more seriously by bullies and bullied and innocent bystanders and authority figures. There are always two sides of the story for the bully and the bullied. Which leads me to...
4) Actions have consequences- Hannah goes through the tapes, essentially stating the reasons why she decided to end her life. Many of these people didn't even realize what they did or how it would have affect the people around them. The smallest action, whether a kind word or a nasty rumor, can spark something, good or bad.
5) It all intertwines- It is not one person or one thing but the connection of hundreds of different people and things that lead to her downfall. Everything adds up to one big decision. Everything matters.
6) It is not immediate- her pain builds. It takes weeks and months. it takes multiple different factors and emotions over time for her to come to the conclusion that she did.
7) People do suck- this one is self explanatory.
8) You stop believing everything- you stop believing that anyone is genuine. That anything said is actually nice. You stop believing that anything good can happen, that there is anyone good in the world. You stop believing you could be worth anything to anyone.
9) People start to blame the victim- the thing that really stands out..."You bring this on yourself." No. No one brings bullying on to themselves. No one brings shame and hatred and pain like that onto themselves. At least not intentionally.
10) Bystander effect- everyone thinks someone else will do something so they don't do anything and as a result no one does anything. No one really reaches out to Hannah. I guess maybe everyone thought someone else would, or that they weren't the right person to do so? Or maybe no one noticed she needed someone to reach out. Maybe by the time someone decided to reach out to her she was already too far past the point of no return. Don't count on other people to do things that should be done because maybe no one will do anything.
11) Take everything seriously- Hannah's cries for help were pushed aside and ignored. Her attempts at getting someone to notice were looked over. No matter what, if someone asks for help or hints at their pain, please take it seriously, and offer help.
12) Mental illness is not something to "get over"- this goes with taking things seriously. It takes time and help and more time. A lot of time. No one can just "get over" mental illness.
13) The pain is real- This is important. Do not downplay someone's pain. You do not know what they are feeling and how much they are feeling. Everyone feels things differently. Do not pretend you know. Just be there.

Self Care Encouragement.

Take pride in the little steps today. You don't need to conquer mental illness, you just need to conquer today. Did you get out of bed today? That is amazing, go you! Did you brush your teeth or shower? You are awesome!! Are you going to school, work, etc.? That is incredible!! Remember to give yourself love, you are doing your best and that is what matters.

Strong.

Warning Signs.

While scrolling through my memories on Facebook I came to realize something: in 2011, months before my suicide attempt, I posted various statuses a day that were definite cries for help. The statuses conveyed everything from loneliness to pain. I remember a few people asking if I was okay and then not rechecking. Mostly, though, I remember various people telling me to stop being so negative and stop posting negative statuses on Facebook. All this to say pay attention to your loved ones. Pay attention and actually care. Don't just assume they are negative Nancy and write them off. There could be pain underneath far beyond what you can imagine. Ask and ask again and again and again and BE THERE. This post is not to make anyone feel bad or guilty but to bring light to the fact that warning signs are a very real thing and should be closely monitored. Reach out to people and let them know they are loved and never a burden.
So, to anyone out there who has been feeling like they have been begging and begging for help and no one has noticed or cared, I care. You are absolutely loved and wanted. You are not a burden. You have a purpose in life that you don't even know about. You are courageous for being here. You will make it. You are wanted. Someone needs you here. YOU ARE CARED FOR. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE. I LOVE YOU ALL.

Support.

Hope.

My current boyfriend is this person for me. It took a long time and absolutely WAS NOT easy to get here. He didn't understand my depression, sometimes he still doesn't. He left me at one point because my thoughts of suicide and low points were too much for him to handle and he was scared. Ultimately though, he came back. He realized that he would rather be there for those moments and love me through those times than have me be alone. Him being that strong for me makes me feel strong enough every day to be physically here for him. The negative thoughts and low points will probably never cease simply because that is the depressed brain, but he gives me motivation to fight and to be better and to take care of myself. He loves me through everything and in turn teaches me to try and love myself best I can.
Don't give up, don't settle, and don't ever think yourself worthless or unloved.

Day Seven.

SEVEN DAYS OF SUICIDE AWARENESS:

DAY 1 - On average, there are 117 suicides per day.

DAY 2 - There is one death by suicide in the world every 40 seconds.

DAY 3 - Females are 3x more likely to attempt suicide than males, however suicide among males is 4x’s higher than among females.

DAY 4 - Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the United States for people ages 10-34.

DAY 5 - In the most recent reported data, there were more than twice as many suicides (42,773) in the United States as there were homicides (15,809).

DAY 6 - The percentage of adults having serious thoughts of suicide is highest among adults aged 18-25.

DAY 7 - According to the most recent data, in a single year in the US 1.1 million adults attempt suicide, 2.7 make plans to attempt, and 9.4 have serious thoughts of suicide. of the 1.1 million who attempt, 0.9 million made plans to attempt.

PAY ATTENTION. BE THERE. TELL PEOPLE THEY MATTER. CARE. LOVE. THIS IS IMPORTANT. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

If someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please visit http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please PLEASE contact me or any of these resources!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK

Crisis Text Line: 741741

Lifeline Crisis Chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx